Thirukural on friendship

 Thirukkural on FRIENDSHIP

What is ' friendship ' ?

Is it only helping each other during crisis ?

Most of us think that helping each other in crisis is 

the true  friendship.

No, ' helping '  is one of the aspects of  friendship. 

There are many other dimensions for friendship.

" For helping each other during crisis ", Thiruvalluvar 

gives an excellent example.

"If the garment( of the hip ) slips, 
the hand goes in reflex action to hold it.

Like this a true friend will step in 

spontaneously to help during crisis."

உடுக்கை இழந்தவன் கைபோல் ஆங்கே 

இடுக்கண் களைவதாம் நட்பு

உடுக்கை = garment or dress ,  இடுக்கண் = crisis

There were two childhood friends, 

after PUC they wanted to join military.

Together they went for a selection, 

one was selected and  approval was pending

for want of police report. One day ,

While the selected boy was riding a motorbike,

the other  was sitting at back. 
Near a police station, he dashed against a cyclist 
injuring him seriously . 

Immediately the non selected boy  volunteered 
to the police  and  informed that he only 
committed the accident.

He told  later to his friend, 

" now, there should not be any police case on you . "

In another kural ,Thiruvalluvar says, 

" The smile that dwells in the face is 

not the true friendship

but  the smile that emerges in 
the heart is the true friendship." (786)

முகம்நக நட்பது நட்பு அன்று நெஞ்சத்து 

அகநக நட்பது நட்பு (786)

There lived a king and a poet in Tamilnadu who had 

never met each other but united in hearts and nurtured 

the divinely friendship. The poet had great respect for 

king's exemplary rule and King had the great admiration

for the excellent literary work of the poet. 

They were unseen but not unknown.

Due to the disputes of the sons on capturing the power , 

king decided to  end his life through a long spiritual fasting 
( வடக்கிருந்து உயிர் விடல் )

Before his death, he ordered to construct a tomb next to 

his  for the poet. He had the unshakable faith that his 

beloved friend would come and die with him. 

It happened.  On hearing that king was on final fast, 

poet rushed and joined with him.

( king : Kopperum cholan கோப்பெருஞ்சோழன் ,

poet: Pisiranthiyar பிசிராந்தையார் )

This is divine friendship is gloriously spoken in  Tamil literatures.

Thiruvalluvar advises  to avoid friendship with 

certain  people.

"  Even in the dream there should not be 

friendship with those 

whose words and action are different." ( 819 )

" In the war field, untrained horse will throw 

the warrior and run away,

there are people who will  run away 

during crisis without rescuing,

it is desired to be without friends in life than 

to join with such people. "( 814 )

" The benefits from real enemies are ten crore 

time better when compared with the friendship of 
those who always cut jokes and make others joyful

but never be useful at any time."( 817 )

In the Kural 795 Thiruvalluvar insists,

" Make friendship with those who would not  
hesitate even to make you weep by  their 
strong advises, 

when you are  involved in wrong doings ." (795)

True friends will not over look the wrong deeds of each other.

அழச் சொல்லி அல்லது இடித்து வழக்கு அறிய 

வல்லார் நட்பு அயந்து கொளல் (795)

A  Cholan king  decided to declare war against his  

two sons revolting for power.  

When it came to the notice of king's friend and poet, 

he immediately rushed to the king and advised him 
with ethical words not to involve in this foolish act. 

He made the king to realise that if the king wins 

by killing both of his sons, there would be no one to 

rule the country. The country would  go without heirs.

More over it would bring discredit and disgrace 
to the fame of the king in the history.

King realised and changed his decision. 

Frustrated by the thirst of power by the sons, 

the king decided to go for spiritual fasting till death 

as it was a customary in those days.

This king is the same  Kopperum cholan 
கோப்பெருஞ்சோழன்  

previously mentioned, but poet is another 
friend of the king by name Pullatrur Eyitranar .

This is the basic responsibility of a true friend. 

Friendship is not only  for laughters, 

get- togethers , joyful rides, potluck dinners ,  etc.  

There should be an inner urge to set right 

each others faults.

If it is not found, it is a fake friendship.

On the day of Ides of March ( 15th March ) Julius Caesar 

was stabbed by his  associates. Helpless Caesar looked for 

the  help of his close friend Brutus ,

bleeding Caesar went near  Brutus with a great hope that 

he would  save him. 

But Brutus himself gave " the most unkindest cut of all".

Shocked Caesar uttered , 

" Et tu Brute ( you too Brutus  )  then Caesar fall ".

Is Brutus a villain ? no , he is not.  

Then,  why he killed his best friend Caesar ?

Brutus was a great patriot of his country Rome, 

he was brain washed by real villians like Cassius by saying  

that Caesar would become a dictator.

For Brutus, his country was greater than anything else. 

In his own words,

"Not that I loved Caesar less but loved Rome more" 

Later , when Brutus was killed in the war field, 

Mark Antony pays the greatest tribute to him.

" this was the noblest Roman of them all."

"Nature might stand up and say to all the world, this was a man".

Shakespeare had never given this kind of highest tribute 

to any one.

Such a great noble soul  was Brutus, unfortunately

without knowing the conspiracy,  he joined with the culprits.

Now let us imagine the feeling of dying Caesar 

on seeing his trustworthy friend Brutus also betrayed  him. 

Thiruvalluvar  gives the fitting answer,

"During disaster, if so called friend 
lets one down,  

even at the moment of death, 

the very thought of it will burn one's heart .
( Kural 799 )

Yes, Caesar's heart, unable to withstand the agony of treachery
of Brutus, simply burnt to ashes. 

According to Shakespeare the mighty heart of Caesar was burst.  

Mark Antony's speech:
For when the noble Caesar saw him stab,
Ingratitude, more strong than traitors' arms,
Quite vanquish'd him: then burst his mighty heart...  

                                         Julius Caesar Act 3, scene 2, 184–186

Please read the lines , NOBLE CAESAR SAW HIM STAB....... 

                                THEN BURST HIS MIGHTY HEART.

Shakespeare says the mighty  heart of Caesar was burst .

Thiruvalluvar says " heart would burn " 

"Burn  of heart " or  "Burst of heart "  gives the same sense.

கெடும் காலைக் கைவிடுவார் கேண்மை அடுங்காலை

உள்ளினும் உள்ளம் சுடும் ( 799 ) 

( துன்பத்தில் கைவிட்டாரை சாகும்போது நினைத்தாலும்

உள்ளம் சுட்டுப் பொசுங்கி போகும் )

 Even at the  time of death , if one thinks  of those deserted during crisis, 

the heart will burn to ashes. ( kural 799 ) ====================================================== 

Let us remember in simple words, the essence of some of 
the Thirukkurals on friendship.

1)  A good friendship will be like  waxing (growing) moon.

     Bad friendship will be like  waning (decreasing ) moon.

2)  Mutual help is only one of the aspects of Friendship,

     It itself is not a true friendship.

  

3)  A good friend should set right the wrongs of

     the other by giving strong ethical advises.

4)  Friendship should emerge from heart 

     not from  the smiles of face.

5)  A friend should rush to help during the crisis

     like the hand that goes to hold the slipping garment.

6)  Friendship of those who always create unnecessary problems

     even in simple matters, should be avoided .

7)  Friendship with people whose words and actions are different , 

     should be avoided.

8)  Friendship of those who run away at the time of disaster,

     should be avoided.

9)  Friendship of those who laugh and make merry but 

    remain useless during crisis,  should be avoided.

10  Friendship of fools and idiots should be avoided.

====Thirukurral for December /Bangalore/22nd Nov 2010/